the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The best revenge is premature balding
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
