So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
