Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You surviving the open bar?
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JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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