dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
