"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
