Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
