He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
