I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
