i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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