where am i from again
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
