the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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