My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
