i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Randomize
