You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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