my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
