put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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