Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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