I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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