Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
