PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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