The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
