she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
