They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
