used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Swine flu is the new snow day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
