I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
