just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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