it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
