i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My life is pants optional.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
