So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
another moral hangover. fuck.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
