is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
