You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
