I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
