U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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