i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
