Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
