So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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