Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
