no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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