i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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