Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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