He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
