It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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