Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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