I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
