Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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