He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
