You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
