after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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