i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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