Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
cat food counts as protein by the way
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
