My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
