fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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