His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
