Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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