Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
