I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
