Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
