Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
