Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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