i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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