it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
operation have a gay friend backfired
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Help me help you realize you are a moron
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
