UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
