Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize