happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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