So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
