i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
