we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
