One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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