I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
