id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
pray to the hookup gods
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
