My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
