she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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