It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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