I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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