On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
