You smell like a Billy Joel song
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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