Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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