what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
