hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
